With a brand new year and a new tennis season on the horizon, here are a few suggested resolutions for tennis and its stars.
Justine Henin-Hardenne: Steer clear of the meds before the start of any big matches and if you miraculously repeat 2006, try to at least go 2-2 in Grand Slam finals.
Maria Sharapova: Turn down the shrieks and grunts or start passing out ear plugs to all your spectators that have sensitive ear drums.
Serena Williams: Stop clamoring about how you want to be at the top of the women’s game while playing four tournaments a year.
Amelie Mauresmo: We all know that nerves are still an issue when a certain tournament rolls around in May, so do us a favor and surprise us with a semifinal or higher finish in Paris this year.
Martina Hingis: Avoid jinxing poor Radek’s game and prove that you can still be a contender at Grand Slams.
Nadia Petrova: Find a solid coaching staff and most importantly, keep them.
Carlos Rodriguez: Start thinking about what you say when it comes to Kim Clijsters, the Belgium Tennis Federation, and Maria Sharapova.
Patty Schnyder: Leave the manuscript for “The White Mile” at home this year.
Elena Dementieva: If you can’t fix the serve, at least fix your schedule.
Kim Clijsters: Make sure that you save the flowers and farewell speeches until the summer hardcourts at the earliest.
Monica Seles and Jennifer Capriati: You are both undisputed champions, but could you please come to grips with the state of your careers and either retire or attempt a comeback?
ESPN: Avoid airing every single Maria Sharapova match during the Australian Open and try to hire on-air commentators that have a background in tennis during the US Open Series.
USTA: Keep playing hardball with the WTA over the US tournaments, but stop short of launching a rival tour.
VERSUS: Please, please, never again tape-delay the final of the season-ending Championships, just so you can air shows like “Fly Fishing Magazine” and “Outdoor Product Showcase”.
WTA Tour: Avoid on-court coaching like the plague, even if Yuri Sharapov continues to peddle bananas from the stands.
This is a great article.
I think it’s funny to hear Maria sharapova screams really loud during her matches, it’s going to be weird if she stops.
Hopefullt Serena will just play her game and stops giving excuses… And yes, Capriati should come back…
try to at least go 2-2 in Grand Slam finals.
looool
Loved all you work on this article.
Thanks everyone – glad that you enjoyed it!
New Year’s Resolutions…
A few New Year’s resolutions for the WTA Tour….